Carly - Ladner Manager

























Coaches Corner January 2012

I am an analogy nerd. I love how seemingly opposite things can come together to form a picture that may help us better understand a situation, a person, or a feeling. And what area is more in need of clarity than the veritable land mine we call Relationships? Through coaching clients who face challenges in love, my own personal experiences, and the many, many, maaannny hours I’ve logged with frustrated girlfriends, staff, and family I feel I am qualified to offer you help with three common areas we often get stuck in during our quest for love. As a 2 for 1, and thru the magic of awesome analogies, I will also offer what you may consider even more makeover tips.


The Dream Jean

Ah the dream jean...that wonderful, beautiful, skinny-girl jean that sits in our closet for the day that we are deserving of its perfection. Many other jeans may come into our lives that are comfortable, fit well, are of excellent quality, and other people say we look awesome in them, but they’re not perfect.

We toss those aside as we struggle and diet and wish our way into the jean of our dreams. Sound familiar? The Dream Jean Relationship keeps us wanting, never allowing us to enjoy what we have right now and worst of all, leaves us feeling we are inadequate just as we are.


• Repeat after me: “The Grass is NOT Greener on the other side”. I know you have heard it but I need you to believe it. Far too many women have shared with me that they wish they had not crossed over to greener pastures and simply opened their eyes to what they had and possibly made changes within themselves (I know...crazy).


• Dream a REAL dream. Once we drag that perfect jean out of the back of the closet and see it in the light of day, we often realize it isn’t quite as lovely as we once thought. Unless we keep it real as we search for love we’ll always end up disappointed thinking “he’s not what I thought he was”. This means being real about who he is and in turn, giving him the real you.


• Believe that you are! Not tomorrow, not after you lose 10 pounds, not after you join the gym, or freeze your face, or lift your boobs. You are deserving of love right now, exactly as you are. The clearer you can be with who you are and what you value the clearer picture you will portray to the world. He will never say “you’re not who I thought you were”.



The Sausage Dress


Gasp, choke,’ve crammed your body into your Spanx, your cleavage is spilling out the top, you’re teetering on 6 inch heels, you can’t sit down without showing your world to the world but if you stand still and don’t move or smile or laugh you look Fabulous! This is the relationship that we change everything we are for. Similar in many ways to The Dream Jean but the main difference is with The Sausage Dress it is all about appearances and how others view your relationship. We think from the outside we look amazing but in reality, we look silly, uncomfortable, and like we might topple over at any moment. Simply put, that dress is not for you honey.



• Realize that your loved ones want you to be happy. If you are gasping for air, they would rather you share your frustrations with them so they might be able to help. Pretending you are in a Norman Rockwell painting doesn’t do any good if your reality is a little more Kardashian. Find someone you trust and spill the beans.


• Define the relationship you both desire. I have talked a lot in the past about defining your values and then ensuring your relationships are in sync. It may be that there is absolutely nothing wrong with what He desires and values but if it’s totally different than yours? may find yourself gasping in a Sausage Dress.


• As I get older...yup, I said it!...I do realize more and more that people really couldn’t give a rats arse about my relationship. I know my friends and family want me to be happy but jumping thru hoops to appear like I’m the perfect wife and mother is such a colossal waste of time and energy. Cramming your body into that Sausage Dress just causes you pain, if I were your friend I would encourage you to choose a well fitted dress that hugs your gorgeous curves in a colour that brings out your eyes and leaves you feeling beautiful, confident, and grounded (I recommend a platform).



The Sloppy Sweats


Is there anything more comforting than pulling on a pair of cozy sweats at the end of a long day and curling into a ball on the couch with a glass of Cabernet and maybe one or two or fifty M&M’s? Then you start to wear them on Saturday morning which leads into Saturday night...and then Sunday. Before you know it you are lost in your sweats, you don’t even remember what you wore before this comfort took over. You find yourself saying No to dinner invites from friends because it means you might have to actually wear something with a waistband. The Sloppy Sweats relationship often appears after about 10 years of marriage and in so many ways seems actually quite fabulous. You are comfortable, you want to stay home together, you don’t feel restricted in any way, but before long you realize you have changed. What happened to that bright, smart, woman that made her husband light up when she walked into a room? When did conversation go from opinions about what’s happening in the news to opinions on which woman the Bachelor should ditch next? When did exercise become using the vacuum pump for your wine? You are comfortable, your relationship is comfortable but eventually you will seek out something with a waistband.




• Acknowledge that this is a slippery slope. Feeling comfortable with each other IS a good thing but we need to remember the things that fired us up before we got married and try to bring that into your life every once in awhile. This doesn’t have to be a big deal, my husband and I like to rock a “kitchen party”. We open some wine, put out some amazing food, crank the tunes...and DANCE. Super fun! And I’m sure our neighbours love it.


• Literally get out of your sweats. While I’m really using analogies here, in this case I do think it’s important to get out of the sloppy sweats. No matter how cute you think you’re NOT. However, there is a solution. I absolutely love my stretchy pants and have found a few out there that are cute and comfortable. My personal fave style is a roll down waist with a wide flowy leg and I am anxiously awaiting the ones from the line Prana that Open Space Yoga is bringing in. They were the bomb!


• Get out. Really, seriously, Get-Out! The Sloppy Sweats relationship loves to stay in but before you know have become BORING. We have crazy busy lives and staying in is always the easy solution but most of us can agree that if we make the effort to put on some lipstick and get out of the house we are so happy we did. Plus, when else are you going to wear those killer jeans, or that HOT dress, or those crazy cute roll-down flowing pants?